Ministering Angel
by Pip3
Summary: Totally unrelated to When Love Takes You In series. Everytime I see the movie, I hope that things go different starting from the bloody nose scene. Things never end up how I want them... and so I write fanfic. COMPLETE


_Disclaimer: I do not own "Brokeback Mountain" or any of the characters. Annie Proulx wrote the story. Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana wrote the screenplay._

_Author's Notes: Each time I see the movie, I keep hoping that things will go differently at the end of the first summer. It never happens... so I wrote fanfic._

**Ministering Angel**

It was unexpected. The knee seemed to come from nowhere in the middle of their tussle. But there it was and it came right at him and got Ennis's nose, creating a gushing flow of blood.

Ennis jerked away from Jack, breathing funny and trying to keep the blood from draining into his mouth. He wiped his sleeve across his nose, but any blood that he wiped away was quickly replaced with a new red rivulet.

"Ennis... Ennis..." Jack's concerned voice broke through as he grabbed Ennis by the shoulders and tried to stop the blood flow with his own arm.

Ennis's first reaction would have been to haul back and return with a mighty punch to the caring man, but Jack's soothing voice and soft touch quieted any such reaction from him. He let himself be cared for at that moment. It wasn't that he needed the care, but it would assuage any quilt Jack felt for accidently kneeing him in the first place.

He was eased to the ground and his head was tilted gently back by Jack's light touch.

"Damn, Ennis... I sure am sorry," Jack muttered as he pulled his blood soaked arm sleeve back from Ennis's nose.

"Naw, s'alright... not like I never had a bloody nose before, Rodeo." Ennis let out a laugh that sounded nasally after the blow, and he ended up bringing his hand up sharply at the pain it caused him. Jack rolled his eyes and Ennis's nonchalance.

"Well, at least it stopped bleedin'. Don't think it's broken, neither. 'Course... looks like it might swell." Jack put his hands to Ennis's face and turned it side to side to examine the damage.

Ennis kept his eyes on Jack's face while he tended, remembering the rage that had been coursing through him just a few minutes ago. He had only been half playing during the wrestle. The rage had surprised him and he knew where it came from... fear. He was scared of leaving this mountain and maybe never seeing Jack Twist again. He was scared of marrying Alma. He was scare he wouldn't be able to provide for her and be a good husband. He was scared that he hadn't thought of her as much as a fiancé should have and that he didn't know if he felt attraction to her. But mostly... he was scared of leaving Jack... and he was scared of what those feelings implied about him.

His own feelings were what he'd been thinking about when Jack had come up and roped him playfully. He was so conflicted and even now, while Jack was holding his face, he wanted to run... to flee. He needed the solitude to examine his life. He gently pushed Jack's hand away, seeing and trying to ignore the small look of hurt that passed over Jack's face at his rejection.

"Ennis-"

"Jack, I said it's alright. Just... leave me be, okay?" Ennis pushed himself up, took a moment to spit out a taste of blood that had seeped into the back of his throat. He bent over to pick up his hat and walked away from a despondent Jack Twist.

"Damn you, Ennis Del Mar." Jack whispered when Ennis was out of earshot. He knew Ennis had a tendency to isolate himself when he was confused or feeling great strife. Ennis maybe have needed to be alone, but what Jack needed was to spend every moment left with Ennis. If they were leaving each other for good, he needed to savor every second. But Ennis wouldn't let him and he felt cold for it.

Jack knew what he wanted. He wanted Ennis. But maybe Ennis still thought of this as 'a one shot thing'. Maybe Jack had been imagining when he thought this was turning into more.

Standing up, he followed Ennis to the horses and the herd. No matter what his feelings, they still had a job to do. While Jack couldn't care less, he knew that Ennis took his work seriously no matter what the work was.

They rode for a few hours before stopping for the sheep and to take a piss break.

"How's your nose?" Jack asked tentatively.

"Jus' fine." Ennis, sitting on a look looked away. He didn't know how it looked, but it felt mighty sore and about three times it's size. He didn't want Jack to see it. Of course, Jack was nosier than a kitten sniffing out catnip and he hunkered down in front of Ennis anyway and got a good look at Ennis's face.

"Huh... it's swelled up alright. But... well, I wish there was somethin' I could do." Jack stood back up to his full height and kicked at a patch of grass.

"Looks worse'n it feels." Ennis assured him, lyin' through his teeth. If there was one thing Ennis knew how to do, it was to ignore any physical pain he'd ever felt so that nobody else could tell he was hurting.

He was good at that, too good sometimes. But right now there was another pain he was having a hard time ignoring. One that started when Jack told him they were getting cut short and had to bring the sheep down. He hadn't once stopped to ponder on the ache in his gut, but it was there and for all he knew he could be developing an ulcer right then and there.

"Well, if that don't hurt then what does?" Jack asked. Ennis looked up at him with squinted eyes and dropped his head back down, the sunlight too much for him.

"Don't get yer meanin'."

"Ennis, it's just the two of us up here and a bunch of animals. Been that way all summer. I learnt how to read your face and body, since you never talk none. You think yer so good and keepin' it all to yerself, but if anyone really watches you... you always got a tell when something ain't right."

So maybe he was better at fooling himself than he was at fooling Jack.

"Jus'... just a ache in my gut. Nothin' fer yer worries. Prolly just nerves... 'bout the weddin' and all." He said, cringing inwardly as he mentioned his future wedding. It was a slap in the face for both of them. Just a reminder that they couldn't exist together in the real world where it was man and wife, not man and man.

Ennis saw Jack's fac turn stony before he spun on his heel away from Ennis.

"I see. Yeah, of course. Yer weddin'... with Alma." Jack said. "Well, we best get on our way..."

Ennis watched him walk away, ignoring ow the pain in his stomach got sharper, and then stood and followed. He wanted to stop Jack, tell him what was going on inside him. Maybe Jack could help sort out the war that was raging between his head and his... heart? Yes, his heart. He knew in his heart that he belonged to Jack, but his head reminded him time and time again that he was promised to Alma.

Jack mounted his horse, not waiting for Ennis to catch up before he started off on a trot. He had been wrong after all. He'd felt a connection and thought Ennis had felt it too. But he was still planning on marrying Alma and had made sure that Jack was aware of it.

He felt as though this was Ennis's way of telling him that the whole summer had meant nothing to him. The awareness that all he'd given Ennis had meant nothing brought tears to his eyes. Now, he wasn't a weepy man, but everyone had a breaking point. But now he couldn't let Ennis see the hurt he'd caused, the pain he'd inflicted. Who knew what he'd think if he knew that this thing had meant much more to Jack than it did to Ennis?

"Jack, wait up. Yer goin' too fast for the-" Ennis caught up with Jack on his horse. He was gonna say some smartass comment about the sheep, but he forgot it all when he caught a glimpse of Jack's face. Jack quickly turned away from Ennis to hide the silent tear tracks that had left their salty marks on his cheeks, but it was too late.

Ennis didn't have any words. Did Jack really feel that strongly about him, about the situation that he was moved to tears? He'd never had anyone care that strongly about anything that had to do with him, probably not even Alma. But here was this man. This man he'd only known a couple of months, but had grown so close to. He did feel that strong. And it broke Ennis to see him so dejected and downtrodden. This was a man who had opened his heart, soul, body to Ennis and Ennis just rejected his tenderness for a farce of a wedding just because it was expected of him.

The twinge, the sharp pain in his belly intensifired, a tugging feeling now accompanying it. He bent some, putting a hand over his stomach and muffling a small moan that threatened to voice itself. He slowed his horse and got behind Jack before he could notice that anything was wrong. He could deal with whatever this was by himself, just like he had with anything else in his life. Besides, he didn't think jack would need to worry about Ennis along with anything else he was distressing about.

"Ennis?" Jack asked, a sharpness to his voice. Ennis grunted in return, managing to make it sound like a question.

"Uh never mind... it's nothin'." Jack waved it off.

Jack had been watching Ennis in his peripheral when he'd ridden up beside Jack. He'd stopped whatever he'd been saying and Jack knew that he'd been too late in turning his head. Ennis probably thought he was a weak-minded fool and Jack couldn't blame him for falling silent if he did.

He turned sharply when he had heard a small noise from Ennis. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Ennis lean forward a bit and clutch as his stomach. He didn't know if it was concern or curiosity that got to him, but as Ennis slowed his horse, Jack found himself speaking.

"Ennis?" He winced at his own voice, sharp still from the sting of the mention of the wedding and yet tinged with worry. Ennis grunted back as him, using the throaty noise as an attempt to hide the pain that would have come through if Ennis were to speak. Jack knew Ennis hated being seen as weak. Might as well let him live his life as he wanted. Let him think he'd fooled Jack. So Jack had let it go with a 'never mind'.

The ride continued in silence, save for the occasional whistle or yell to get the sheep back on track and when the weather had turned and they had to change clothes. When they reached the drop off point, Aguirre and his men were waiting for them with their trucks and makeshift fences.

As the men began their counting of the herd, Jack and Ennis dismounted their horses and leaned up against the makeshift fence. Ennis lit up a cigarette, followed by Jack. They'd put on ponchos when the weather had gotten dark and damp, but it seemed to be letting up.

Ennis felt cold from the wind, but he could also feel that he was sweating as if it were a sunny day in July. He knew it was from the pain he was feeling. He was hardly able to stand upright anymore and was using the fence to keep himself up and looking presentable.

Jack shivered slightly as a wind blew in, bringing some of the moisture left from the rain earlier.

"Some of these never went up there with ya." Aguirre mentioned, reminding Jack of the night the hail storm kept both cowboys inside the tent. Ennis was going stir crazy that day, needed to move about but had no room to do anything inside the tent. It was a night when Jack caught a glimpse of the man that Ennis kept hidden behind a silent, emotionless wall. Jack was able to see every flinch or jump that Ennis made whenever the thunder cracked. Who would've thought that such a rugged and stony man like Ennis was afraid of a little thunder and lightning. Not Jack. Ennis seemed fearless to him, like nothing to scare him. So the realization of that fear had surprised Jack. And when Ennis let him reach out to comfort him, his chest exploded with warmth at the fact that he could be the one to care for Ennis.

The memory of that night now made Jack shudder. Ennis didn't care for him the way Jack had grown to care for Ennis.

"Count ain't what I hoped for neither."

Ennis flicked his cigarette. Would've given a sarcastic snort if he thought Aguirre was worth his breath. The count was higher than any other summer Aguirre's sheep had gone up that mountain. He won't ever be pleased.

"You ranch stiffs... ya ain't never no good."

They rode in a truck into town where Aguirre handed each of them their pay and then sent them out of the trailer.

The sun was back out, but it was evening and the light cast long shadows on the ground as Ennis helped Jack with his car trouble. He stalled long as he could, knowing that by lending a helping hand, he was aiding and quickening their departure.

Lucky for Ennis, Jack didn't seem to know shit about how the truck ran. He could change a tire and change the oil, but that was about all he knew. So Ennis tinkered around for the longest he could even though he knew the problem straight out. Finally there was nothing left to do but get it done and so he did.

"Give it some gas."

Jack revved the engine a bit with a bitter smile. He'd known what was wrong, but he just wanted to spend a little more time with Ennis and so he lied about his mechanical skills just a bit. When Ennis shut the hood of the truck, Jack climbed back out. He watched as Ennis started digging through his feed bag.

"Can't believe I left my damn shirt up there." Ennis muttered.

"Yeah..." Jack said. He leaned up against the door.

"You gonna do this again next summer?"

"Maybe not. Like I said, Alma an' me's getting married in November. Try and get something on a ranch, I guess. You?"

"Might go up to my daddy's place. Give him a hand through the winter. I might be back.. If the army don't get me." Jack said hopefully. Ennis squinted at him shortly.

"Well, see you around, I guess." Ennis sighed. He flung his bag over his shoulder as Jack muttered a reply and hopped back into the truck and pulled away.

Ennis started walking, hunching forward as the pain that had plagued him all day grew with more force than he thought possible. It felt as if someone was pulling his guts out hand over hand a yard at a time. It was almost as if he were connected to jack and the farther away he got, the worse Ennis felt.

He hunched and bent himself more and more until he finally fell to his knees in agony. He dropped the bad and clutched is belly as he sat crumpled right there in the middle of the road. He tried to bring something up from his stomach, thinking that he'd feel better if he could puke. The effort was in vain as his gagging turned into sobs.

Jack was having a hard time getting his breathing under control as he drove away from Ennis. His heart was yelling at him to slam on the brakes, but his head told him that Ennis made it clear with his talk of marriage that he wanted nothing of Jack in his future.

He risked a look into his side view mirror, hoping to cath at least one last glance of Ennis. He saw that slow, stalking walk, but didn't expect what came next. He saw Ennis fall. Maybe he'd tripped? But no, he wasn't getting back up. He was sitting in the middle of the road. Granted, it wasn't a busy road and there was no danger of being run over by a car, but it wasn't a place you'd let yourself be unless you were unable to get up and move.

And so, with worry eating at him, Jack spun the car around and headed back. He reached the fallen man and didn't even bother turning the truck off before he jumped out and ran to him. He found Ennis clutching his stomach and trying to get his wet sobs under control.

"Ennis... Ennis I saw you and- what's wrong?" Jack asked, kneeling down in front of him. He didn't expect Ennis to reach for him and hold him like his very life depended on it. He didn't expect the whimpers of a desperate man. But that's what happened. He slowly wrapped his own arms around the broken Ennis, who's hat had been knocked to the ground with the force that he'd used to shove his face into Jack's chest.

"Jack... oh god, don't leave me, Jack." He cried.

"Ennis, I thought you wanted-"

"No. I'm sorry. God, Jack... I can't do that again. Please don't make me. Don't leave." He held on tight around Jack's torso, seeming afraid that Jack might blow away if he didn't hold on.

"I won't. I promise, Ennis. We'll figure somethin' out okay? Maybe go in together and get a ranch of our own."

At this, Ennis almost laughed. "Butd... when I said I was savin' up for a place, I may have stretched it a bit. All's I got is a coffee can with about ten dollars in it."

Jack laughed, for he had just about the same.

"Well, we'll figure something out, I'm sure." Jack said as he continued to lightly run his hand in circles over Ennis's bad. "You okay now? What happened?"

Ennis lifted himself, never completely puling out of the embrace

"Don't rightly know. Guess my body knew better'n I did how much I needed ya. Had a powerful ache in my gut all day jus' thinkin' of leavin' that mountain and never seein' ya again. Tried to fight... to think of what I was s'posed to do... marryin' Alma an' all. But... in the end... it got the better of me."

"Well, thank God for that, I guess."

"S'pose it started to make sense to me right when ya gave me that bloody nose, I think. When you was trying to take care of me. Never had nobody care before or try to make things right like that. Never had nobody like you in my life... and when you was don' that, some words popped into my head. Beautiful soundin'... nothin' like the worse I got. Musta been a message from Heaven above or somethin'." Ennis admitted, tongue as loose as it had been when he told Jack his life story.

"And what was this message, then?" Jack asked, curiously.

"Well, it called you my ministering angel."

**End Story**


End file.
